Undepressed in a Depression

The time has finally come. I have seven days to decide whether or not I’m going to do an eight-month teach abroad program in Spain. Seven days. Seven days. Why does that seem so daunting?

Nearly everybody that I have told has said, “What is there to think about? Go!” My family, on the other hand, doesn’t want me to go because they’re concerned about what this will mean for my job search when I get back and they will miss me. My grandfather has actually been sending me newspaper clippings of job openings so that I will find full-time employment and stay home.

No matter what the voices of my friends and family tell me, I have found myself resisting both pieces of advice. When someone tells me to go, I list all of my doubts and describe the gut feeling I have telling me not to go. When my parents present rational opinions of why I shouldn’t go, I’ll argue with them and say that I want to improve my Spanish, travel, and keep my options open.

What’s with the constant devil’s advocate? Maybe my mom’s right, I should have considered being a lawyer. This is really strange though because I hate confrontation and I don’t like to argue.

I have tried to shut out all outside counsel about what I should do, and have realized that the problem is that I don’t know what I want. I can see the pros and cons to both (and yes, I did make a pros and cons list, but it came out about even). When it comes down to it, do you go with your head or your heart?

Back when I was choosing a college, I initially said, “I’m going to Colby.” I loved the school (and the food), and a professor there had told me that they had a stronger creative writing program than Bates (come to think of it, that was a bit biased). I still had a week until I had to make the final decision, and although I had chosen, I didn’t feel as excited as I should have been. In the end, I changed my mind and went to Bates because I had an indescribably positive gut feeling about it. I had a great time and I don’t regret the choice I made. That choice came from the heart.

Now, I have a gut feeling that is making me resist going back to Spain out of an unusually strong tie to home. This is ironic because I am growing restless to travel again and want to move out of Connecticut. The resistance comes mostly from uncertainty. What if a job pops up after I commit to Spain? Will I miss my friends and family too much? What if I don’t like teaching? All of my doubts are hypothetical, yet they seem to be weighing down my heart, even though I have been to Spain before and know I would have a wonderful time.

So, I have tried to ignore my heart and think this through. Like I said before, I have made a pros and cons list. I have thought about how I can attempt to line up a job for when I get back so that being out of the country for a year won’t hinder my job search. I have talked it over with my parents and friends and voiced my concerns. Unfortunately, thinking has confused me even more. Every day I flip-flop back and forth between whether I want to go or not. How do you think something through clearly when you don’t really know what you want?

People always say to follow your heart, but when you don’t know what you want you naturally turn to your brain for advice. The two won’t always want the same thing and may commence an aggressive tug-of-war match that leaves you stretched thin in the middle. When a rope is pulled too hard from either direction it will snap.

So, you somehow need to find a balance between your heart and your brain. You can’t follow your heart all of the time without thinking because that can get you into trouble. Thinking gives your heart the guidance and rationality it needs. However, thinking too much can make you neurotic and burn out your heart. Most importantly, listen to advice your friends and family might have for you, but in the end, you need to make the decision for yourself.

I still haven’t made a decision, but after a lot of meditating this week, I hope to choose the right path to keep both my heart and my brain happy.

Some are likening him to Justin Beiber, but sixth grader Greyson Michael Chance of Oklahoma has taken on Fame Monster Lady Gaga with his rendition of Paparazzi. However, I’d like to go even further and say that this kid is unlike anyone I’ve ever seen.

He’s twelve years old and he’s already arranging his own music and garnering the attention of stars like Ellen DeGeneres. Today, Chance will have the chance to perform on the acclaimed comedian’s talk show. Ellen, also the newest American Idol judge, is used to watching the Idol contestants every week and critiquing them on their musicality, stage presence, and originality. One of the judges’ most common feedback is, “You didn’t change enough of the song and make it your own.” The more impressive component of Greyson’s performance isn’t that he’s so young and performing a Lady Gaga song, but rather that he had the talent and creativity to write his own arrangement that drastically alters the song and transform it into music with more classical undertones. If American Idol is still around when he turns 16, he will certainly be a good candidate because he already has a lot of the talent that the judges expect.

Or maybe he’ll find his own avenue to achieve stardom and succeed as a musician. Ellen always tells the contestants that are sent home, “This is only one avenue to reach your dreams. You can find another way.” If he has sparked so much attention from one middle school recital, I’m confident that he can make it on his own. Stories like Greyson’s give the rest of us hope about our dreams that one day, as long as we keep producing and striving for our goals, we will be discovered out of the blue.

Greyson’s supposed doppleganger, Justin Beiber was also discovered on YouTube, according to ABC News. Given the choice of joining Justin Timberlake’s or Usher’s label, he chose Usher.

The band, Journey saw Fillipino singer Pinoy Arnel Pineda doing covers on YouTube and invited him to audition for the band. He is now their lead singer.

Actress Natalie Portman was supposedly discovered in a pizza parlor, according to CareerBuilder.

Ellen not only likes to feature celebrities on her show, but she scouts out young, untapped talent on YouTube and via submissions and word of mouth. Chance by default has been entered in Ellen’s Web of Wonderment contest, and the winner will receive $10,000. Not a bad salary for a sixth grader.

But speaking of stars, Greyson Michael Chance wrote and performed another song on YouTube called Stars that has not received as much attention as his Lady Gaga stint. The song still has received 117, 741 up to this point and reminds us that the more important thing than becoming stars is making sure that we always reach for them.

I submitted two articles to a local publication in late February, but hadn’t heard word, so I assumed they hadn’t chosen to publish my piece. I followed up a couple of times to no avail. Today, I got a call from that publication not only telling me that my article was published, but tipping me about two potential job opportunities coming up.

When you apply for a job, you want to hear as soon as possible and you may get antsy when you haven’t heard back for awhile. However, just because a few months go by and your contact at a company goes silent, doesn’t mean that they’ve ruled you out.

Some companies take longer than others to review applications. That could be because of varying start dates for new hires or because some jobs are more competitive to interview for than others. Sure, after a certain point, you can figure that if you haven’t heard back from a company that you haven’t gotten the job, but sometimes patience is a valuable tool that we often lose in the shed.

I also had initially scheduled an informational interview at Conde Nast in October, but a conflict arose, and when the New Year rolled by and I still hadn’t rescheduled, I thought that maybe my moment had passed. However, I just recently had that meeting in New York, and it never would have happened if both parties weren’t patient.

After submitting an application, the most important thing you can do is to find a name. Send that person an email expressing your interest, in addition to the online application. Wait a week or so, and even if you haven’t heard back, call. They will likely tell you that they’re reviewing applications, and that they will contact you if you are suited for the job. This is annoying and seems pointless, but it actually didn’t. They will, hopefully, make a mental not that you took the initiative to call. If you haven’t heard back after two weeks, call again. Don’t call too much or you’ll become annoying. Learning patient persistency is a skill that takes time to hone and that many employers will respect. If you can communicate effectively and professionally with them, chances are you will be able to communicate well in your job.

Besides, think of how many things that are worth the wait. Driving (if all babies drove, then the car accident rate would go up), college, mail (and email decreases that wait), Splash Mountain at Disney (I don’t care how old I am, I will always be scared of the big drop, now matter how small it really is), flying to another country (you can stick me between two Sumo wrestlers that smell, burp, and fall asleep on me during a long flight, and I will still be very happy when I land in my vacation destination), fireworks (especially the Boston Pops Fourth of July showcase), the drive-in (you know you love the dancing hot dog at intermission), Christmas and any holiday, birthdays, waiting for the one (or two, or three…you have to be optimistic in case the first one doesn’t work out), and the list goes on.

Okay, so maybe we don’t like waiting, but once we get to where we want to be, it doesn’t matter how long the wait was. At least you got there eventually in one piece.

Once a year, the nation devotes a day to mothers and thanks them for what they’ve done. I don’t think that that’s enough.

In our teenage years and perhaps even now, some people get embarrassed or frustrated with how involved our parents get in our lives. As a college grad living at home, you may still be treated liked mama’s baby. Moms still worry and they’ll tell you if you’re doing something wrong. While the reaction is often, “Mom, I’m an adult leave me alone,” your mom is only showing you how much she cares and loves you. If she didn’t, she’d let you do as you please and wouldn’t react to when you made a mistake. It’s an unwritten rule in the mommy handbook that they have to say something and steer you in the right direction.

As an unemployed, one-year-anniversary college graduate, it is common to get frustrated. When your parents are constantly asking about your job search and giving you pointers, you grow tired of hearing what you already know and it sometimes makes you feel guilty that you haven’t found something yet. Sometimes you’ll take your frustration out on them when you really aren’t mad at them, you’re mad at yourself for not having a job and annoyed with the situation.

It’s not fair to place the blame on our parents when really it’s no one’s fault that you’re unemployed. Unemployment has a stigma attached to it in our country, but remember that just because you’re unemployed now, doesn’t mean you always will be. You can’t give up on yourself and you can’t give up on your moms when they want to help you out. You and your parents want the same thing: for you to be happy and eventually find a job that suits you. If your mom wants to help you in your job search, listen to what she has to say before batting it away. Before she was a mom, she was a college grad trying to find a job, just like you.

Yesterday marked my 101st post, so I guess that today marks my 102nd. Normally you celebrate at 100, but there were 101 dalmations and then 102 when the sequel came out, so I guess that makes it okay.

102, wow. That means I have been writing for 102 days about my unemployment. Actually, it goes back even longer because I didn’t even start the blog until five six months after I graduated. Plus, I only write five days a week. So either way, that adds up to a lot of unemployed days.

That fact could be depressing, but I’ve actually learned a lot this year, so it wasn’t like it went to waste. I have become an expert of sorts on how to be unemployed (not sure how I feel about that) and managed to keep busy enough that I sometimes forget that, oh yeah, I need a real job. Actually, that’s a lie, but I don’t feel unemployed.

People think unemployment equates with laziness. They pity us. We become of a lower class socioeconomically. However, in reality, unemployment can be quite busy. I know of people who have taken time in their unemployment to travel and experience other cultures. Others have taken the free time to hone an art and enjoy a hobby. Some are freelancing or working part-time, so they’re still working and making some money, even if they are not getting benefits.

But the benefit of being unemployed is that it gives you perspective on what you don’t want your life to be and where you want your life to go. Where do you want to live? What do you want to do? How are you going to get there?

You also learn the value of money even more so and subconsciously develop a plan of how to develop a savings. This could mean robbing a bank like the cheerleaders in Sugar and Spice, but I wouldn’t recommend it. You become a more cautious spender and see what the cost of living is like without a steady income and learn about how to avoid debt regardless.

Would I wish unemployment on someone else? Never. However, I do believe you can learn and grow from it. Unemployment doesn’t have to make you miserable. Becoming undepressed in a depression is a beneficial skill that will not only help you cope, but also motivate you to achieve all that you hope. Who cares if it happens a year later than planned? So, here’s to 102 + days of unemployment and hopefully not 102 more.

On Gossip Girl tonight, (SPOILER ALERT!) Vanessa nearly gave up an internship with CNN in Haiti because she didn’t want to be away from her boyfriend, Dan for, sigh, three months. Jenny is dealing with whiplash from her and her ex-boyfriend’s drug dealing operation. Blair and Chuck regress to their old sleazy, petty, manipulating ways after a break up. Dr. Vanderwoodsen still suffers the pangs of having left his wife and family for a successful career as a doctor. What a great lesson for all of us normal people out here who watch the drama that hopefully doesn’t exist in our own lives.

Any sentence that begins with Gossip Girl taught me a great lesson surely must be misguided in some way. Even the fans could tell you that. But Gossip Girl for once brought up a common issue. When is it okay to make sacrifices for your relationship that are sacrificing yourself?

Whenever long distance is involved in a relationship, things get complicated. If you are offered a once in a lifetime job, do you stay home so that you can be with your boyfriend or do you go do the job and figure out how to work the relationship in? Do you give up on your dreams to avoid losing someone? When do you put the relationship first and when do you put your career first?

It seems like so many people make it an either, or, when it could very well be both. Choosing to relocate for a job isn’t being selfish. Would you want your significant other to give up on their dreams for you? What does that do for your conscious knowing that you held them back? If the relationship really means something, the two of you will work it out and figure out how to make long distance work. Someone who really cares about you wants you to do what’s best for you without getting in your way. That doesn’t mean the career is more important, but it means you can accommodate both. Will you make sacrifices? Yeah, sure. And if your partner isn’t there when you get back, well, maybe they weren’t the right one for you.

What if your new career takes you out of the country? If you’re someone who loves to travel, I’d say go for it. I studied abroad with many students who were still with their significant others from the U.S. Long distance with a time zone and international phone is perhaps the biggest test you can put your relationship through, but you shouldn’t shelter yourself from the world because you’re afraid that your relationship won’t work out when you’re apart. If you have to ask that question, chances are that maybe you’re having doubts about the relationship already. If you can get through being apart, you will be even closer when you are together again.

As for relocating to be with the one you care about, make sure you’re doing it for you. You never know if a budding relationship is permanent, and then where will you be if it doesn’t work out? So, if you’re going to move to the same city as the one you care about, don’t just do it for them. Have some reasons for yourself about why you want to be there.

Hate to break it to you, Vanessa, but three months goes by like that. You’ll have three more months with Dan when you get back. And it’s not like you’ll be completely out of touch. Even if it’s hard to do international calls, there is still something called writing. Snail mail does still exist.

And Dr. Vanderwoodsen, it’s so noble of you to try to reclaim your lost time with your family, but learn when it’s time to move on. If you had any chance of being with Lily, you would have found a way to keep in touch and just because this is the one thing that hasn’t worked out in your life, doesn’t mean that you should obsess over it. You’re Billy Baldwin, for crying out loud. There are going to be tons of other women interested in you, especially when they look at you and immediately think, “Are you Alec Baldwin? You look so much younger than you did last Thursday on 30 Rock.”

As for Blair and Chuck, this whole “I need to be in a relationship to be a good person” mumbo jumbo is getting a bit sickening. You are both too manipulating for each other’s own good, but I know there are hearts in there somewhere. You’ve got potential, even in the single life.

And, Jenny, for crying out loud. Living in Manhattan and having a boyfriend who is the son of an ambassador should not compromise the modest, innocent, and kind Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn that we were first introduced you. The white blond hair and gothic make-up is growing cliche and annoying.

Girls and boys of Gossip Girl, it does not have to be a choice between your relationship and yourself. You need to uphold your values. Don’t lose sight of who you are as an individual when you’re in a relationship. If you need to make a move that is good for you, and I mean a career move, go for it. Sure, discuss it with your significant other, but make the choice for yourself and allow them to be a part of it. Try to find a way to be yourself and do what’s best for yourself while accommodating your boyfriend or girlfriend at the same time. We could all use a little less drama in our lives, so keep it on the TV screen.

For some reason, when I hear the word intern sometimes, I quiver. It is though it is synonymous with maggot, rat, low life. As in, “Here come the interns” or “Tell the the intern to fetch me a coffee” or “Intern, fan me with this giant leaf from a palm tree that doesn’t even exist in New England and feed me grapes, the seedless ones.”

Intern sounds like another breed of human. The intern is like the groundling of the Shakespearean era. Interns aren’t always paid, they are the lowest on the career ladder, and are not appreciated enough.

The word “intern” stems from Middle French (interne) and, according to Merriam Webster, means “an advanced student or graduate, normally in a professional field (as medicine or teaching) gaining supervised practical experience (as in the hospital or the classroom).” Merriam Webster does not say anything about interns being unpaid or mandating that interns get coffee or perform other servant tasks. Merriam Webster also doesn’t mention the fact that people with Master’s degrees may have to get an internship before a real job. Intern seems connotative with student or recent graduate. They said advanced student, and I prefer the sound of that to intern.

In the Victorian Era, they had apprenticeships. Apprentice, to me, sounds more conducive to getting a job. You become an apprentice in your field of choice (blacksmith or tanner), you are paid a small amount, and you likely get a job from your master. An internship is seemingly the same, however, there is no guarantee you will be hired afterward. Apprentices still exist.

Apprentice is derivative from the Romance Languages, apprender (Spanish) or apprendre (French), meaning to learn. Intern has seemed to become someone who does everything the boss doesn’t want to do. “Let the interns do it.”

At my internship, I don’t have a card that can get me into the parking lot, so I have to announce myself at the gate as an intern. Sometimes, when the secretary doesn’t hear me right, the gate doesn’t open and I wonder if they have decided to keep the interns out. I don’t have a card to get around the building either, and rather than letting me upstairs, I am told to wait until the intern with the communal key card comes down to get me. So interns have also essentially become elevator bellboys.

So, I have a solution that may gain interns some respect. Stop classifying us as interns and think of us as young professionals. Young professional actually has a nice ring to it and sounds more official. What about advanced graduate, high assistant, or Madame Cool. Get me a coffee every once in awhile (for the record, I don’t drink coffee, but at least offer me one). Praise me for what I’m doing right and recognize the difference I’m making by holding a boom mic for 10 minutes, reminding me of the fact that I haven’t been to the gym in months. Let me up to the intern office so that I can do all of your work. If you’re not going to do that, at least stop labeling me as “an intern” and understand that interns are people too.

Every once in awhile, it’s nice to take a much needed day off to recharge from your work (and in my case pre-work, unpaid internship) life. Today, after a few work-related emails, I shut down my computer and didn’t touch it for the remainder of the day and mainly focused on relaxing. It’s funny when you have to consciously focus on relaxing because relaxation by nature is mindless.

And there’s no better escape than the movies for relaxation, especially when you go to a theater in the suburbs in the middle of the day and you and your party are literally the only people in the entire theater besides the workers. If the dark rooms and mandate for silence are enough, an empty theater is the best place to get some solitude.

So, I spent my sunny Thursday afternoon in darkness, with my mom, letting someone else’s storyline consume me as I watch the latest Tina Fey and Steve Carell movie, Date Night.

Whatever burnout and fatigue I may occasionally feel from my career search and multiple jobs/internships, Claire (Tina Fey) and Phil (Steve Carell) Foster experience even more with busy work lives, two children to raise, and very little time for themselves. With the help of their financially pushy sitter, Katy (Leighton Meester), they are able to escape once a week for a date night. Even their dinners together are focused on the other dates in the restaurant as Claire and Phil imagine scenarios and dialogues going on between other couples. However, as they make fun of other dates, they nostalgically wish that their own date was as exciting as before their self-deemed monotonous marriage. This of course all changes when they are mistaken for the Triplehorns after taking their reservation, who are somehow mixed up with the goons of a New York City mobster.

While I enjoyed the classic witty and humorous banter between Fey and Carell, I couldn’t find myself believing they were in a rut. As self-depracating as the two comedians have always been, the chemistry between them was adorable and the sex draught was cliche.

I am huge fans of both of them, so I don’t blame this writing on them, but rather America’s concept of marriage and adulthood. I watched the movie as someone far from marriage and a settled career, but also as someone tired of the portrayal of adulthood as droll and unchanging. If living has taught me anything, it is that life in its nature is constantly moving and unpredictable. Maybe this isn’t always the case, but your life doesn’t have to be cemented into place and if it does, it’s because you choose it to be. Settling isn’t always a bad thing, but routine and commitment shouldn’t signify a loss of freedom. Responsibility is part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean that excitement has to fade. People seem to be so afraid of settling, that they either behave irrationally to avoid it or grow passive and allow themselves to settle even earlier than they otherwise would have.

I fully endorse marriage, commitment, and the adult working life, but the only thing that bothers me is when people assume that once they achieve their goals, there is nothing else for which to strive. Many grow unhappy with the way their lives turn out and rather than do something about it, choose to sulk and put themselves in a rut. They are only in a rut when they don’t do anything about it.

For Claire and Phil Foster, all it takes is a night of fighting, dodging crooks, breaking-ins, theft, several visits with a shirtless Mark Wahlberg, car chases, car crashes, disguise, pole-dancing, and blackmail to rekindle their romance to a point where the can cuddle on the same side of a booth in a pancake diner. That’s all.

After watching everything they went through, I decidedly would prefer an early dinner without desserts to just relax. I actually think Tina Fey and Steve Carell would too, and the extremity of their night seemed like a social commentary on the average perception of married life. Why is relaxation a bad thing? That’s why I went to the movie after all, to relax. Maybe Americans don’t relax enough. Many of us, and I’m sometimes guilty of this too, build up an elaborate perception of how our lives should be to the point that we experience ennui of the way our lives actually are. I fully encourage having dreams and goals to work toward, but that shouldn’t affect your appreciation for how your life is. You should enjoy what you have, and when you don’t, find a way to fix it.

I guess was I’m saying is work hard and have fun in whatever way you choose, but don’t work and play so much that you forget to take the time to relax and recharge. Maybe a simple date night is what all of us need. However if you absolutely need that near-danger thrill, you could always just take someone’s reservation and see where the night takes you.

When I was interning with The Hartford Courant, a few of my fellow interns were college graduates, some as old as 27. I told my parents this and they were surprised that they had internships as opposed to jobs. Now I am that college graduate and have two unpaid internships, I can understand why.

My parents will tease me about only be able to find unpaid internships and suggest that I look for a real job. This is part in jest and part serious, but the reality is that full-time jobs are less available for college graduates and that the past few years has marked the rise of the internship.

As I sift through career search engines, more internships pop than entry-level jobs. To me, an entry-level job requires about as much experience as an internship would give you, so why are there more internships available?

Out of all of the jobs I’ve applied to (and the count is well over 200 by now), I most frequently hear back about my internship applications.

The only real difference between internships and entry-level jobs is your status and pay grade. Most internships are unpaid and you have to sign a contract which makes it clear that you are NOT a part of the company. Entry-level jobs are paid, you have more protection and security in a company’s ethics and legal code, and you ARE on staff.

In this struggling economy, companies, like individuals, suffer financial blows that limit their amount of new hires. If they can take an entry-level applicant or an unpaid intern who can essentially do the same tasks, they’re going to choose to save money and hire the intern. Some internships do pay though, but even so, the total amount is less than the salary of a full-time employee, and interns usually stay for a shorter period of time.

So, now, it is no longer surprising to me that internships are more available. Companies want to see correlative experience on your resumes, and you’re going to gain that experience with an internship. Even if you are only getting coffee, you are hopefully making connections.

With more limited budgets, companies have become more selective about choosing new hires. If they’re going to spend their money on you, they want to make sure that you’re the best possible candidate and that you’ll stick around.

For instance, ESPN has a seven-month training program for its production assistants. At the end of the seven months a committee decides whether or not they want to hire you or let you go. Production assistants have to go through the training program first to be hired. ESPN wants to hire people they know and who they can trust to do good work.

The same goes to get a job on Capitol Hill. Many of the assistants and interns have law degrees and Master’s degrees with the hope of moving up the political ladder. If you volunteer on a Senator or Congressman’s campaign, you have a better chance of being hired if they are elected.

These days, college graduates are forced to take positions for which they are overqualified. However, at the same time, part-time jobs seem reluctant to hire college graduates because they are overqualified and there is no guarantee that someone who is overqualified will stay if they find another job that is more suited to them. That leaves many college graduates in a limbo that makes it hard to make money and get any job.

Internships are a middle ground for college graduates to gain experience with the hopes of working their way into a full-time position in that company, networking, or increasing their knowledge of the field. While internships can still be very selective, an employer is less likely to reject you if you are not being paid because it isn’t costing them anything. I know of people who have volunteered or interned at newspapers and have later been promoted to full-time positions. Temping is another option that actually pays better than an internship or part-time job, and companies often offer full-time jobs to temps they liked if there is a job opening.

Internships keep you busy while you’re searching for a job so that you can vouch for you experience better in interviews, rather than saying you’ve done nothing.

I spoke with a marketing director recently who was an English major like me with a background in journalism. I asked her if it is important to go to graduate school nowadays. She said that when she was applying for jobs, it was not as necessary, but with the higher competition and fewer jobs today, a Master’s degree can give you an edge.

That puts a damper on my plan to work for a couple years before grad school, so an internship is the next closest option and can potentially be a way of bypassing grad school before your first job and getting your foot in the door.

A lot of the people I know are looking for internships before jobs for this reason. They’re just more accessible.

Now, the pattern upon graduating college seems to be: 1. Get an internship. 2. Go to grad school when you can’t find a job. 3. Land a job a year or two later. 4. Move out of your parents. While you might not have to go through all of those steps, either an internship or grad school seems to be needed to get to step three. I do know people who have gotten a job straight out of college, but they are in the minority.

There is never one path to achieving a goal. An internship may or may not get you to the job you want. However, interns ought to be taken more seriously than they are because they are the future and take their jobs as seriously as the employed. If your parents scoff when you get yet another internship, you needn’t be ashamed. You might be closer to a job than you think.

Recently, I have a had a few friends come to me and say, “I like him/her, but I don’t know if he/she likes me and I don’t know what to do.” One of my first questions is, “Have you talked to them or asked them to hang out.” Usually the answer is, “No, I don’t want to embarrass myself. I don’t even think he/she is that interested anyways. I’m over it.” However, judging as they said something to me about it, I can only assume that they’re not over it.

Some of the same friends have also consulted with me about their job searches. In a few cases, my friends have applied to jobs and been rejected, so they figure that’s the end of it. However, many of them are greatly talented. There are some opportunities that they have expressed interest in, but they’ll tell me, “I don’t know if I’m qualified, so I don’t think I’m going to bother to apply.” While they’ll sulk and seem convinced that they are not suitable for the job, all I can wonder is why they’re not even trying. I can see their potential. The question is will the employers?

I’ve noticed a trend in our generation that is correlative with economic strife, hardship, and uncertainty about our futures: a fear of rejection. That, of course, is natural. Who wants to be rejected? Nobody wakes up and says, “Gee, I really hope that someone stomps on my ego today. It would really do me some good. I hope that I don’t meet anyone who wants to date me and I hope that I don’t get any of the 100 jobs I applied for. That would really be swell.”

We are so afraid of rejection that many of us have become passive. Some people keep working their part-time job and unpaid internships, assuming, this is as good as it’s going to get.

Our communications skills are also degenerating. Now, if you meet someone you like, you never go talk to them directly. You send them a Facebook message or a text. If you really miss middle school, you have a friend of a friend of your best friend dig up dirt on this guy or girl that you met in this place at some time before you venture into the trenches yourself. On Craigslist, you can even post Missed Connections about interesting people you have seen in passing to whom you have never said a word. Many people never even approach someone they like, figuring, “What’s the point? If they like me, they’ll come to me.”

The job search isn’t much different. Applications are all done online (which in many cases is instituted by companies). Companies send an automated confirmation of receiving your application to bypass the chance that you will call them to follow up. A lot of communication is done through email, rather than in person. Jobs are getting more and more competitive, so many qualified people might not apply because they figure they don’t have the qualifications.

The impersonal nature of communication has less to do with a quest for love or employment, and more to do with a fear of human contact. Obviously people do still talk, however, if there is the opportunity to do so at the convenience of your own home and solitude, you can avoid uncomfortable situations like seeing a person’s reaction when they say they don’t want to date you or the tension of an employer rejecting you to your face. Crisis averted.

But is it really? The impersonality of communication also allows for miscommunication. An email or a text can never fully represent your inflection or intentions in expressing an idea. A text message breakup is more insulting than an in-person breakup. An emailed rejection letter does not even compare to the nobility of a personal phone call delivering the bad news.

Even the people doing the rejecting, be it an ex or an employer, are uncomfortable with the act of rejecting someone else. Like Ellen on American Idol, no good person wants to hurt some one’s feelings. Many employers do not even call or email a rejection letter and I definitely know of at least one friend who went through a breakup on Facebook Chat.

So, maybe the problem isn’t so much the form of today’s communication, but the actual fear of rejection itself. Texting, emailing, Facebooking, and tweeting are enablers, however, Facebook doesn’t “Unfriend”, it’s users do. People have become more fragile and insecure, as tough times will provoke. I feel bad for those who don’t ask someone out because they don’t think they’re interested or those who don’t apply for a job because they don’t think they’re qualified.

But at the same time, I wonder if the fear of rejection is worse than the rejection itself. Rejection only becomes haunting when you allow yourself to be scared. When you think about it, what’s the worst that can happen? You apply for a job and you aren’t chosen. There are other jobs out there. Just because you are rejected once, doesn’t mean you will be again. And if you ask someone out, but they say know, that isn’t necessary the end. I know of plenty of people that have been rejected, but then ended up marrying their rejector years later. That doesn’t mean you should stalk someone. If they really don’t want to be with you, you should take a hint. However, for every person that rejects you, there is another person out there. The only thing worse than being rejected is not even trying in the first place.

You may not be qualified for that job, or so you think, but you can never get a job if you don’t apply. You may think someone isn’t interested in you, but you’ll never know for sure unless you give it a shot.

Rejection isn’t a bad thing or a good thing. It’s just something with which we all have to deal. It can be a beast, but the more you run, the more rejection will chase you. As Americans, we have a history of moving on after tragedy and learning from our mistakes, hopefully. You can’t let the possibility of failure rule your life because if you do, how will you ever succeed? Once you learn how to handle rejection, it will be as if you have never been rejected at all. Remember, people always tend to route for the underdog. It’s just too bad they don’t always remember that if the underdogs are themselves.